Tuesday, December 27, 2005

the second multi-annual parade of pictures found on random blogs

"If there is a God, and he's paying attention... he can stick his big toe up my ass, there is no way I'm going to tell my father that I take it in the pooper," Duke screamed across the lanolium fields. Although he was a seasoned war veteran after decades of fighting the villanous armies of Cobra, he still preferred the non-sanctioned red jump suits over the olive drabs. "Drab... that doesn't even begin to explain the way those baby-shit green mandibles sit on my hips," he was often heard remarking. Everyone dealt with his openess in "this man's army" because in a pinch, he was the best man in a fox hole... if you know what I mean.

There was a very uncomfortable day in late Spring of 2007 when Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston happened to sit side by side on the park bench adjacent to the lake... both breast feeding their new sons. Even then, the man in her life couldn't resist the temptation of those mammoth boobs. Secretly Jen felt hollow inside. So she stabbed Anglina in the "babymaker" with a nail file.

On his 21st birthday, Raymond finally came out of the closet, tucked back his manhood, put on his "pretty dress" and went out for a night on the town with his dark skinned boyfriend Cocoa Channel. Cocoa had already taken the initiative to get the horomone injections and the "tits" were coming in nicely. Neither of them minded that there was still penis involved in the equation... actually they preferred it... and so did the bearded woman in their life. They would never have to cry in the closet again. Guiness for everyone!!

"If you put on a dress I'll take you out for the biggest steak dinner you've ever seen. Mississippi won't know what hit 'em," Earl stated with a drunken feverish grin. Christmas was the one time of year when all were jolly and he could get some 'poon from that God-fearin' wife of his. They had only been married for two years but his dear Prudence had already let herself go. She didn't cook too much... but she did love her soap operas. At least this way he knew that his wife would always be his. And Earl did like his jelly rolls... "I like big butts and I cannot lie," he snarled as he spit a rancid tar-like substance into a styrofoam cup.


1. "I don't care how pretty she is... somewhere there is a guy that is utterly tired of her stupid whiny bitch-ass bullshit."

2. "Shut the fuck up when the game is on... and get me a beer."

3. "I don't care about your needs. I'm a man and when I finish you swallow."

4. "I will go Ike Turner on your ass so fast."

U2 had been stretching their popularity for decades. Their one and only fan no longer wanted to hear Bono rant and rave about hunger and Aids. Here merely wanted the sweet southern guitar swirls of Lynard Skynard.
Little did U2's only fan know, that in fact he was at the opening night showing of "Uncle Fester's Transvestite Interpretive Dance rendition of Godzilla vs. Mothra."
A lot of lipstick was smeared that day. Nothing breaks my heart like crying transvestites.

Apparently Spanish ninja's look like a penis.

This is John Travolta's other nerdy habit. He likes to dress up like Uma Thurman's character in Pulp Fiction, invite Tom Cruise over to the house, strap one on, and dry hump 'ol Tom on Oprah's couch. The key to the outfit is comfortable shoes.
Then he eats a life sized waffle and shits out a 747 sized turd... named DeAngelo the Fecal king of Mondavia.


At 5:15 PM, December 27, 2005, Anonymous Joe Jacobs said...

that last dude really looks like a girl. Like a drag queen Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. All he needs is some tits and less of an Adam's apple and you got yourself a chick.

At 2:00 PM, December 29, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! You aren't Gabe! What have you done with Gabe?

At 6:20 PM, December 29, 2005, Anonymous Not Gabe said...

Gabe is dead!


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